Fashion of Mass Distraction

Hello readers!

The last two articles published were ‘Life in the Delhi Metro’ and ‘The Good & Bad of Fashion 2017’. This got me thinking about the innumerable times I have noticed rather bizarre fashion choices of my fellow commuters. Before I continue, it’s important to get one thing straight: People should wear what they want to and how they want to. I’m not a ‘fashion nazi’ and I certainly mean no offense to anyone. Having said that, sometimes one can’t help but notice (and judge a little) those who truly stand out in a crowd by their choice of attire!

 

There are several ways to pass time in the metro; by reading a book, listening to music, watching a sitcom, chatting with friends etc, but the best/most-entertaining way has to be observing people and their odd choice of clothing & accessories. Here are some of the eye-catching observations that I’ve made :-

1.   The Disco ball: Admit it, we’ve all been partially blinded at least once by a person who went overboard with bling in broad daylight. A little bit of glitter and sequins is fine, but an outfit covered in it makes me want to run for cover from all that glare!

2.  Too cool for school: I’m talking about people who wear sunglasses while the train is underground. Keeping those with eye-infections aside, what could others possibly be  shielding their eyes from! Is there bright lighting? No. Is it dusty? No. Are you a celebrity facing crazy paparazzi? No. Someone please explain this to me because I, for the life of me, just can’t figure this one out!

3.   Sagging pants: This is by far the most irksome of all. No dude, I don’t want to see your underwear. Just pull up those pants! (My biggest fear is that they will drop: Too Much Information!) I live in Delhi, so please don’t add to the already-overflowing list of obscene things I come across everyday.

4.  Socks with sandals: If the colour of the socks worn with sandals was limited to beige/nude, I would have made my peace with it, but what I’ve seen is  wacky patterns in a diverse range of shapes and colours. Let’s just say that it’s not a sight for the sore eyes, it’s just a sore sight.

5.   Odd slogan Tee’s: I love quirky texts/graphics on T-shirts, but some are just baffling. Once I saw a college going girl wearing  a T-shirt with ‘papa ki pari’ written on it and this other time a guy wearing one which said ‘I am osum’. *cringe*

6.   The Superhuman: This person defies weather and the clothing patterns dictated by it. Allow me to paint a picture for you; It’s winter time and like others, I’m freezing and my teeth are chattering despite wearing layers of clothing, while in front of me standing is a person dressed comfortably in a single layer! What sorcery is this ?!?

7.     Makeup over-enthusiast: A little kajal and mascara never hurt anybody, but caking one’s face up and wearing super bright lipsticks when it just doesn’t go with the outfit reminds me of the clown from the movie IT.

8.    Weird footwear: Where do I even begin? Grass slippers, crocs, shoes with long pointy toes, shoes with tassels, loafers with long socks/without any socks, ugly bulky sneakers …… I could go on forever. Honestly, how did they even become trends!

9.    Colour-coordinated and Rainbow love: There are two extremes here; on the one hand we have someone who takes the concept of  ‘colour coordination' wayyy too seriously, while on the other hand we have someone who is just one colour short of looking like a rainbow! The first one needs to be introduced to the concept of colour-blocking and the second one to subtlety.

10.  Bappi Lehri style: One can’t underestimate the value simple pieces of jewelry can add to an ensemble; cool watches, pretty pendants, funky bracelets, quirky hair accessories, simple earrings etc. The idea is to pair one or a few of these with an outfit to increase its style quotient. Sadly, many ignore the saying ‘Less is more’ and follow ‘More is more, less is bore’.

 

So the next time you travel, keep your eyes open, for the metro is crowded and full of such errors!

The Good & Bad of Fashion'17

I love fashion! I don't always dress according to the current trend because it takes me a while to observe and judge and then decide whether I like it or not, so this blog is all about my take on the popular fashion trends of 2017.

Don't be into trends. Don't make fashion own you, but you decide what you are, what you want to express by the way you dress and the way to live." —Gianni Versace

1. Tassels- I love tassels. Then can reinvent anything (not just clothing) and add a fun, colourful, PLAYFUL element to it. I especially love tassels in dupattas and earrings.
Playful

2. Chokers- A delicate and simplistic piece is LOVE! I am really fond of layering chokers with other necklaces, it takes an outfit from simple to fab quickly. But there is a thin line between looking classy and the dog collar look, for example, the 'stretchy henna tattoo choker' is just disgusting.. Let’s not forget the traditional Indian choker. Paired with an Indian attire it looks SO damn gorgeous, it has to be my favorite type.

Stretchy Henna Choker

3. The Reinvented Button Down- This is the most disappointing trend this season. They have taken the classic button down and RUINED it. I mean what the hell is this? I don’t need to say much because the pictures speak for themselves-

4. Athleisure- Comfortable clothing as a fashion trend? Hell yes! If I had to choose one item to wear for the rest of my life, it would be my leggings. They look good with anything- be it a crop top, jacket or an over-sized t-shirt. I prefer an over-sized t-shirt because then I don’t have to worry about my posture.

5. Cold shoulder- There are wayyy too many variations of the cold shoulder in the market, while some are really cute and trendy, others just look like the tops have holes in them where they shouldn’t.

 This is cute.

This is forced.

6. Slogan tees- A tee shirt that declares I’m in a relationship with food? Yes Please. A slogan tee paired with a cute skirt is always a great choice, you can look cute while making a statement about anything, be it politics, environment, women's rights or to support your favorite TV show.

7. Denim- Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes. I am a HUGE denim fan. Denim jackets and skirts are currently my favorite clothing items because they are so easy to style as they go with everything.  At a party I’m the person most likely to show up like this-

8. Mules- This one is a big no for me. Maybe it’s because I find open backed footwear very uncomfortable in general (It’s a dirt magnet, especially in India). Even if I put my hatred for open back shoes aside, I do not find these attractive at all! They were originally supposed to be bedroom slippers (16th century Europe), I think they should stay in the bedroom.

9. Distressed Tees- No.NO.NO. Distressed jeans are cool, distressed tees make you look like a fool (literally what my mom said). My first thought after looking at this was- either this designer has given up or is lashing out. If I bought a distressed tee my mother would turn it into a mop (she wouldn’t give it away because you don’t donate/wear torn clothes.)

10. Shirt Dresses- A very versatile clothing item. These suit everybody!  I especially love pairing shirt dresses with knee or thigh high boots, makes for such a chic outfit!

11. Night wear as day wear- I personally wear my night suit at home ALL DAY LONG, but that look is probably not going to win me any applause on the red carpet. I adore slip dresses, they are cute and can make for a stunning outfit when paired with a denim jacket. I also love how everybody wants to sell the pajama set as a red carpet worthy outfit given it’s level of comfort but honestly, it just doesn’t cut it!

Still a night suit.

12. Bell sleeves- LOVE them! Just add a bell-sleeved top to a snug pair of jeans and heels and you’re party ready! Whenever I wear a top or dress with bell sleeves I like to tuck my arms in and pretend I’m Lord Varys.

P.S: If you like something then you should wear it and don't be afraid to customize, ain't nobody better than our local masterji. Own it girl!

तुम्हे कोई हक़ नहीं की तुम इतनी ख़ूबसूरत लगो| 

Life in the Delhi Metro

Hey There!

Delhi Metro- The only saving grace of Delhi’s public transportation system and the city’s lifeline. If you’ve ever traveled by metro then you’ll agree that it’s a whole different world inside those coaches. You see/meet a wide variety of people in the Delhi Metro and these people bring with them extraordinary experiences and lessons. In this blog I will try to cover some of the specimen one is bound to cross paths with in what seems to be a parallel universe!

Types of cheap guys-

• Cheap- Some people think they can do anything. Although their spirit is commendable, their actions are not. In this case it is trying to clandestinely click pictures of fellow commuters. Excuse me, Smarty-pants! Everybody can see what you’re doing and if there are some people who didn’t know before, they surely do now because of the shutter sound your phone just made. So here's a little tip for you: If you want to click unflattering selfies, knock yourself out. But clicking pictures of people without their consent is NOT COOL. 
• Cheaper*- This happened in a very crowded metro and the show was for my eyes only, except that I did not ask for it. The boy was wearing a kurta and jeans (and a strong scent of vodka)- यह दिखता है स्वीट, इनोसेंट, स्वामी टाइप का परन्तु है यह बिलकुल हरामी टाइप का | After a few minutes I felt something against my thigh and what do you know- his goods were pressed up against me (through the kurta). I was horrified and made a swift exit from the train on the next station. I regret not saying anything then, I should have reported him to the metro authorities. How freaking difficult is it to keep that rocket in the pocket? 
• Cheapest*- Again, this is a feature of a crowded metro. You’re struggling to stand straight and not breath in any unpleasant smells (another feature of a crowded metro, it’s a gift that keeps on giving) and suddenly you feel a hand on your posterior or your breasts. In my case it was the boob grab and this time I did react, I thrust my knee into his crotch area as hard as I could and he backed right off. People also noticed and stared him down until he left. 

*The cheaper and cheapest are interchangeable, I just can’t decide which is worse.

Types of normal guys-

• The Music Lover- This person has earphones/headphones AT ALL TIMES, but little does he know that the whole metro compartment can hear him because the music is SO DAMN LOUD! I really wish he would turn down the volume a little bit, it will be good for him and others! 
• The Lover Boy- Always on the phone with his ‘bae’. He is usually doing one of two things- either talking cute (read as irritating) things with his girlfriend or trying to pacify his baby/shona/coochiepoo. Sorry dude, we don’t want to know about your lovers’ quarrel. 
• The nice guy- This guy will offer his seat to anybody who needs it more. He is mindful of one’s personal space, he goes about his own business without disturbing others, speaks out when he sees a creepy guy taking photos or doing anything unwanted and indecent. This is a very rare species and we are glad that it exists. Take a bow gentlemen! 

Types of uncles-

There are only two types of uncle :

1.         

2.         The Clueless- Bright Pink ‘Women Only’ banner, repeated announcements about the reserved coach, surrounded by just women in the compartment and yet he doesn’t realize that he is standing in the ladies-only compartment (probably thinking about his next meal). 

Types of kids-

• The Munchkins- Such kids make the metro ride so much fun. They ask you cute questions or make funny faces while sitting in their mothers' laps or just quietly enjoy dancing around the pole. One kind kid also offered me half of his candy once! 
• The Kids from hell- They will stomp their feet, scream bloody murder, pull your hair, tug at your clothes until they get what they want (One kid wanted my phone, like permanently and the mom didn’t say anything. The child could take my mobile phone home for all she cared. I had to take matters into my own hands- Leave the ladies compartment and stand for the rest of the journey in the general coach). 
• The Germ Magnet- This one bugs me so much because I’m kind of a germophobe. Once, a 5 year old peed inside the train and then continued to play in the little puddle he had made (छई छपाक छई). Then he accidentally dropped his toffee in the pee and proceeded to eat it! (He took the 5 second rule a bit too far if you ask me). His parents were oblivious, and in such cases ignorance is definitely not bliss. 

And now, to end this post I would like to share an unimaginable incident (TRUE STORY) with you (WARNING:Explicit content ahead)- A lady in a mustard yellow sari was traveling with her two kids. 10 minutes into the journey the elder of the two urinated on the floor which unfortunately triggered his younger sister, who also peed on the same spot. The mother was in a fix, she really wanted to clean the mess up so she took the already wet underpants of one of the kids and tried to soak up as much of the liquid as she could, which was not that much, but that’s all she could do. Finally the disaster was averted and the mess was cleaned up.....or so she thought because her little one had other plans. The little baby whose underpants had been used as a mop now pooped on the floor! The mother was out of options so she went ahead and scooped up the masterpiece in the folds of her MUSTARD saree (I must say, she got really lucky with the colour), summoned her husband from the adjoining compartment and made a grand exit from the metro and so did I because the smell was just unbearable.

PS.: One pro-tip from a seasoned metro traveler- keep pepper spray and sanitizer handy!

PPS.: I couldn’t possibly cover all kinds of people one comes across in the Delhi Metro in one blog, so read Life in Delhi Metro- The Sequel!